As I sit here tonite, not being able to sleep there have been a few things that have crossed my mind. First of all I am in a place i never thought I would be. When you become disabled, you not only lose your self-esteem, your credibility, your sense of humor (most times) but you lose the things that you used to be able to do in just a minute or few depending on the chore. I have found out the hard way about all of this. Yet becoming disabled I have found a new abundance of friends, friends that have the same thing wrong with them that I do. Friends that truly and actually UNDERSTAND ME. Do you know what it's like at times to not even be able to cut up your own food? Bend over to ties your shoes, put socks on? I do now ,something I would have never imagined would happen to me. I beg of you to try it just 1 time, take 5 minutes and just do it.. See what its like. I have lost alot. I have lost love, i have lost friendships, Why? Because now I am not the saME fun, loving person people knew me as. Instead there are days I can't get out of bed, there are days i cant talk on the phone... That hurts me more then anyone will ever know. Yet, I have gained so much more.. More time with my boys, even being here with them is time I appreciate, time I will Cherish, they have learned that they may have to come into my room and sit on my bed to talk, and i Treasure every minute of that. My family calls me more, I have the most loving, caring, fun, friendship/relationship with my parents, as i always have.. They have never let my disability get in the way...EVER.. I know its hard for them to see me struggle day by day, but its ok... I have them.. and they have me. I could never be so grateful. Heck, i even got my mama learning how to text...:)) Now that was a huge plus....LOL
People say to me, Amy, you are just going to have to deal with it, or get over it, yeah no shit I can deal with it ON SOMEDAYS, get over it.. Never, not until they find a cure. sure I have a great medical team that helps me to be able to get up and moving most days and I am grateful for them. If it wasnt for my son, who always came home right from school.. his friend said to him, Hey, why are you ALWAYS in a hurry to get home from school, do you get beat or something? He said NO, my mom has a disease and I have to make sure shes ok after taking her meds.. She said well whats wrong with her, and he said she has RSD.. and the girl says, Thats not funny so does my mom.. and if it weren't for that particular day after school, I would have never met the gal that I have grown to truly love, cherish and would do anything for. Deanna, has made things so delicate when it comes to me. She has a heart of gold, and yet she also suffers from this bitch of a disease. I of course in the writing of all of this cannot for get one of my very very special friends from high school. Heather also gets me out and about, and our 3 am walmart trips in our jammies are the way to roll.
The people I have talked about in my little story here and ones I will be forever greatful to and for, I cant forget my brother Chad, and my Sister Kim, theyhave been amazing too. Or my grandma, who calls me daily to see how i am, and if tell her i am having a shitty day.. guess what, SO THEN IS SHE...LOL I love her with everything i have.. She is my angel and she dont know that yet.
I also have some very close family members that are continually there doing things for me.. We talk for hours, sometimes you know its easier to tell someone something then it is to tell someone else? Yes, thats the kind of person I am speaking of when talking about my aunt. She has been amazing thru all of this.
I guess in closing, I want to thank each and everyone of you for being the friends you are, the people that suffer along with me, even tho i wish you didnt... and for those i mentioned in my note. I couldn't be happier in my life, world anything to have you all in mine. You mean the world to me, and I am so thankful that yoi DIDNT walk out on me when my life has been put thru the test, and my body thru hell. I love you Mom and Dad for everything you stand for in my life and I truly mean this when i say this, I don't know where i would be without you. You are my life, along with my kids, and yes that does include my lil blue eyed, blonde hair sweeetheart Katie. Thank you for being always so compassionate with everything and taking the time to talk to me, when all i can do is sob... TY for that too today Deanna, I will never forget that, you were my rock this after-noon.
I love you all so much, please never forget that, and please always remember there will be days i am down, but in time i will pull myself right back up... I have too, i dont give up this easy....
